❝ Chase your dreams ❞
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4 APRIL
Posted Wednesday, 4 April 2018 // 11:47 am
 It's another workday all over again. Life has fallen into this mundane routine of work and school on weekdays and spending time with Wesley on weekends. Am I unknowingly now a part of the rat race? This is definitely not I wish for but all of it seems necessary in the current society that it is only normal if you go through this phase of life. Can life be more meaning than just trying to keep yourself alive? We have reached the point where a degree is not good enough and more people are considering masters. All the sick-and-tired-of-life-faces I see every morning is torturing. Everyone seems to rather be anywhere but here. I guess I'm no exception. As much as I hope for a change, this is necessary and I have 1 more year to endure. So many times I don't think I'm strong enough to get through this and when I feel like giving up, Wesley tells me it hurts him to see me struggling to survive every day but I have to finish it and no matter what he will support me. Just last year, it was 2 more years till I'm done and now I'm left with 1 year. And even though I find time to be passing by very slowly, we are already one third into 2018. Looking back at 2016, time went by pretty fast. First it started with graduation then joining the corporate world followed by Wesley's enlistment and all the staycations we managed to squeeze in here and there. 2016 then ended with Loy Krathong in Chiang Mai with my parents, a visit to Wuhan village with other volunteers and my 1st anniversary with Wesley. In 2017, I started my part time degree and have since completed 2 semester, got my braces installed and Wesley commissioned as an Officer. Recently he was promoted from 2LT to LTA and will ORD soon. Wesley and I even went for a 2 weeks long trip, touring Malaysia, Bangkok and Ho Chi Minh and celebrated Christmas and New Year there. I am so close to the finishing point but at the same time, the finish line seems so far. Whether I like this life or not, since I have chosen to start it, I have to do my best to finish it. After all, many times when I thought to myself, if given a chance again back in 2013, I would still have signed the sponsorship with BCA and sign a 3 years contract with this company in 2016. This sponsorship and 3 years bond has caused me to lose my opportunity to continue my studies as a full time student but they have given me many greater opportunities to grow into an adult, be more independent and most importantly, understand credit cards and my own financial limits. I can now proudly say I paid for my diploma and degree school fees in full by myself, obtain my driving license and paid for everything myself. I even got braces done, which was something I have always wanted, and am currently paying for them myself. I even got my first credit card as a primary holder and so far I have been punctual with my payments and the bank has yet to fine me or send me any warning letters. I am able to live independently and pay for my bills and expenses myself without asking a cent from my parents. I do not know how many 21 years old are able to do that, but I did it. Adult fare is every student’s nightmare and it was mine too. Since my workplace is at least 50 minutes away from my house, I spent quite a bit of money just on transport itself. If I were to include in meals and not budget my spending carefully, a huge fraction of my pay will be gone. Meals outside is not as cheap as they are in school and if you are thinking of fancy coffee every morning, instagrammable lunch every afternoon, you will probably be broke before the end of every month. Coming into the corporate world at just 20 is scary and lonely. It is a time I should be in school studying like any other 20 years old. So many times I questioned my own decisions and wonder if I missed out on the full time university student life which I will never be able to get it back. Everyone at my workplace, especially my immediate colleagues are old enough to be my parents, some even my grandparents. I was just a timid little girl, looking up at all these full of years of experience people and wonder if I will be like them some day. I was afraid of hearing my desk phone ring and would always hesitate for a while before picking it up. Whenever my boss asked me to go over to his desk, I pray it would be not too tough for me. My mailbox was always empty and I wonder if everyone’s mailbox is empty too. When I have mail, I stress over how I should reply them; do I start with “Dear” or “Hi” and how should I end it then. “Dear” seems too intimate and “Hi” seems to causal. I even google how I should reply corporate emails and I decide, fuck it. I will just go with “Hi” and only use “Dear” when it should be formal or official. I was scared of contacting contractors and until now it is still something I put them on hold till I really need to get it. The awkward silence when I wait for them to go through the contracts and finally signing them is still something I hate the most. Sometimes I wonder if they will be able to tell I am just an inexperienced 20 years old. Have you ever look at someone and feel like you should be on your best around them and when they asked to see you, you get nervous? For cadets, this person would probably be your OC or CO. For me, it was my GM and every time I hear her calling someone on her phone, which is always on loudspeaker and I hear my phone ringing, I know immediately that she is looking for me. “Can you come over?” these were the four terrifying words for me the first few times I heard it from her. What would a General Manager want from a small fry like me? Now that I am 22, I have been on this job for 2 years and have handled at least 80 contracts; I think I have grown more confident and knowledgeable. I have a few friends in the office and an office mum that gets me breakfast almost every morning. I am so thankful to always have people looking out for me no matter where I am. When my desk phone rings, I pick them up immediately and I reply emails without having to stress about if I am replying them correctly. When my GM looks for me, I am less scared of going into her room and see her now. I have also learnt not to finish my work too fast (at least not in this office), if not I will have nothing to do and it sucks to be bored. During my 2 years here, I am most proud of myself for completing 3 Marina Barrage contracts, with little to no help. During the time while I was doing it, I was always stressed and frustrated but I am glad I did it. I have grown up. This year, I am 22 and I had my “22nd on the 22nd” in February. My 21st was lots of first for me and I think I have done a not too bad job in surviving and become an adult. A real adult that is responsible for my own actions and choices. When I typed all of these, life was great and work was fine but that didn’t last very long. All of sudden I was required to move to one of their subsidiary which is out of HQ and not convenient for me to get to. The sudden changes to work environment, workload, job scope and colleagues are a little scary and frustrating. I am just hoping it doesn't affect my studies in any way. To be honest, I didn't felt that it was fair for me in any way since no one asked if I’m okay with the move or if I wanted this move. “It’s the CEO’s instruction” was all I got. Just 1 more year and this shouldn’t be too hard to get by considering the fact that I have survived 2 years. In 2018, Wesley will be starting his degree with me and when 2018 ends, I will be starting my last semester in 2019 and will graduate when I am 23. 23 is quite a late age to be graduating from university for girls as compared to those that did full time studies. I have no regrets now that I have started my programme with Singapore University of Social Science. I agree it is by no means the top schools as compared to NTU, NUS or SMU but when I graduate from SUSS, I will be a 23 years old girl, Bachelor of Science in Facilities and Events Management. That is not all, I will be that 23 years old girl with a degree and a 3 years working experience who is independent and capable of going anywhere. The Sky is the limit and I will not be hold back by anything that requires working experience and I will not be that inexperienced 23 years old girl. In fact, the Sky in today’s world is no longer the limit and we have gone beyond the sky. With determination and smart work, we can achieve anything we want. |
Joyce. I'm a walking sunshine and I blog about everything and anything under the Sun. And, I might have a slight obsession with Jigsaw puzzles, Snow globes and Stars. twitter // tumblr // instagram mejor que todos.  Achieve.
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