Someone brought me back here and it's someone special. Someone I have never talked about on this site and I feel that he deserves some mentions here. Having him read through all of my (embarrassing) posts was one of the most awkward things ever; and he only told me after he finished everything here. 

If you read all of my posts, you might remember that I mentioned I will always love my ex, even if that's little 5% and I will like to take that back. The thing about humans and love, when we're in love, we feel, think and believe that we cannot live without that one person and will always love them. The truth is, it's all in your mind. Back when I was in love with someone else, it did feel like I will always love that one person and cannot live with that one person. 

After about 2 years of being happily alone, enjoying life with my friends, focusing more on myself, going on dates, experiencing more things and seeing the world from a different view, I realised that I can actually live without my ex. 

Though I haven't forgotten all the times we've spent together, it's just a memory now and I have long forgotten how much I used to love my ex. It definitely wasn't easy finding someone I could actually see myself loving again, but I wasn't upset being alone. I had more time focusing on myself and doing all the things I love to do without having to consider about another person. 

Being rather foolish in my early teens, I guess I took love too lightly and didn't really grasp the real meaning of it. Thinking I will always love my ex might be the dumbest thing I have ever thought. Like I have mention earlier, when you're in love, you believe they are the one, your world revolves around them and without them, you will literally die. For everyone that is feeling this way now, I have to tell you that it's not true. You can be perfectly functional and happy without them. You can. You just need to learn to let go. Though I don't love my ex anymore, not even that 5%, that doesn't mean I wish they die. I still wish them the best and should they need my help one day, I will offer my help with the consent of my partner. 

This special someone, came unexpectedly and this love, was found when I stopped looking. Despite all the dates here and there, there will always be something about my date that I cannot tolerate or just can't be myself when I'm around them. So there are lots of first dates and hardly second ones. This special someone, we got hooked on the first date and just can't stop hanging out together. I will probably talk about how we arrive at this stage in life in a later post but I will like to talk about how this relationship is different from my past relationships and how I finally understand the true meaning of love. 

He being a silly little boy, a man-child, can sometimes be overprotective, petty and stubborn but he really cares about me. He will always put me first and always tell me about his friends. I have never felt so important and loved until he fell in love with me. We talked about our future, realistically and financially and he wasn't afraid of it at all. He was ready to commit to me, to us, to this relationship for a lifetime. And just like everyone else in our lives, they will teach us something and he taught me that it's okay to be selfish once in a while. Knowing his freedom will be limited once he starts serving the army, all he wanted was to spend every single day with me and we did. Keeping me all to himself and always going great distance for me, running errands for/with me, sending me home, cooking lunches for me and send them to my office and took care of me when I'm sick. He treats me like a little princess. Some of you might think he's just clingy, possessive and selfish, you might be right. He is a little of all of the above but if you look at it from an understanding point of view, he just want to spend more time with someone he loves while he still has the time too. The next time I will get to see him is 2 weeks from now and subsequently, only weekends and public holidays. 

Unfortunately, like every couple, we argue and have ugly fights. The way he handles all my tantrums and sometimes, unreasonable anger, I know I can trust him to love me. From the first day I met him, he has been very patient towards me no matter it's my behaviour, attitude or how I'm always late. He never restricts me from doing anything even though he might not like it. Especially the clothes I wear. It might irritate him on how much I'm exposing but he never tell me to throw that clothing away. For my own safety, he will always remind me to be more careful of my surrounding and how I sit or stand. He knows all of my habits, how I tend to skip meals when I'm lazy and how cranky I get if I have get up real early. Even before he enlist, he told me to take care of myself, remember to eat all meals and to always be careful no matter what I'm doing or where I am. 

He is the first person I can see myself having a realistic future with. I know he can take care of me for the rest of my life. 

Dear Wesley, I'm sorry I made you felt like I can't love you at a 100%. The truth is, I do. I love you with the whole of my heart. Be safe in camp and I will see you when you book out. 

And you will have no regrets.