❝ Chase your dreams ❞
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WHEN I GROW UP,
Posted Wednesday, 8 October 2014 // 11:26 am
 I'm very sure we all wish we could grow up overnight, attend beer parties, get high and drunk, smoke weed, dress up, wear high heels and dance in a ballroom when we innocently 5. I sure did too. Watching the neighbourhood teens go on dates, wear fancy dress and pretty earrings without their parents, I wanted to be like them too! Wish granted! Here I am, 18 years old, have I grown up? Or am I still growing up? When we merely 5, what did we know? So innocent. So naive. Thinking if we grow up now, we will have choices and be able to make decisions. How pure we all once were. We all didn't know until our wishes are granted. The more we see, the less we know. The biggest bully wear suits and tie and the nicest are the ones covered with tattoos and speaks vulgar. Growing up in an very Western-like Asian family, my parents didn't give me much pressure about getting As or having to be the top in class. To them, if you tried your best it's good enough, but sometimes the best will never be enough......... Though I wasn't much pressured into anything, future careers- doctor, teacher, lawyer were planted into my head.(How typical.) How many times did I actually change my ambition? #1 When I was 4, I wanted to be a teacher. From my point of view, my kindergarten teachers had a pretty easy job. All they did was looking after us, conduct very basic lessons, watch us nap and watch us play. To be honest, if you ask the 4 years' old me what do my parents do at work? I would tell you I don't know! At 7am, they just disappear and at 5pm, they magically appear again. #2 Moving to 7, that's when I start primary school. Teachers have wrinkles and white hair, they were fierce and moody! Watching their face turn red when they yell and always carrying 2-3 bags of worksheets wherever they go, that's when I change my mind. If I wanted to see monkeys everyday I would rather be a zookeeper. As the Earth ages, the more kids are spoilt and they become impossible to control. I have so much respect for teachers that endure all the shit students give everyday for their passion in teaching. Then I wanted to be a doctor, healing the sick and bring happiness to the world. #3 At 9, I dreamt to be a model. All girls did. But I slowly realise I wasn't pretty enough, neither was I tall enough. I woke up from this dream pretty quickly. #4 Fast forward to 14, I wanted to do something big. Something like lawyer or a writer. Who was I kidding? (Myself) I start to see more, know more. Lawyers are paid to fight. Fight even if your client is wrong, fight for your cilents' freedom even if they deserve to be in jail for life. I can't bring myself to do that, protect the wrong and frame the innocent. I was never a great writer either. #5 16 was the toughest, I braved through O levels. I thought I was going to die under so much stress but I survived and I miss being 16 now. Under so much stress I kept thinking, what is all this for? Will all the sleepless nights be worth it? Am I just gonna study so much just so I get a job to stay alive? I start to realise what I really want. I don't want to just be alive, I want to be happy. I want to see the people around me smile. I don't want a million bucks job and go to bed crying daily. I don't want work all day and miss the beach and forest. I don't want beauty either. I want happiness. P.s I definitely changed my ambition more than 5 times but the rest were too minor to be deserved to be mentioned. Happiness, such a cheap word we all can afford it but so many people just don't know how to buy it. Appreciate little things and you'll have happiness. Not everything revolves around dollars and cents. I'm not saying we don't need money either. Money can give you very basic elements-food, house, medicine, friends, bed. Money will not give you a home, not health or friendships, definitely not time or sleep. When I grow up, I want to be a happy. I don't need a big house with a front porch, a house big enough is good enough. I don't need 6 zeros in my bank accounts, being able to survive and pay for my child's need, a holiday every now and then is good enough. I study so I can get a job to provide for my future. I study so I can get a job that pays extra so I help people financially and physically. I guess I have grown up. I see the real world now. All our wishes, wanting to grow up, now granted but we want to go back being 5 now. Who knows what's tax when they were 5? Who knows about politics or currency? All we know back then was eat, play and sleep.(And remember to brush our teeth before bed) So young. So innocent. Knowing nothing about growing up. Knowing nothing about heartbreaks. When we 5, we share willingly, love unconditionally and dream wildly. As we age, our hearts get smaller(not all but majority), our dreams get more realistic. The problems I once had were, colouring outside the lines, not being able to get the correct shade of human skins, unable to change the mistake I made in pen and not being able to stay up late. Now the problem I have is having to figure out who people really are under their masks. Seeing so much, knowing so much, understanding so little. I would still want to grow up. I will still want to grow up and see the world from a clearer point of view and make it a better place though I don't understand much. What do you want to be when you grow up? What's your ambition? Is that what you really wanted and will ever want? If you think hard enough, maybe not. Should go for a jog now, byez. |
Joyce. I'm a walking sunshine and I blog about everything and anything under the Sun. And, I might have a slight obsession with Jigsaw puzzles, Snow globes and Stars. twitter // tumblr // instagram mejor que todos.  Achieve.
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