❝ Chase your dreams ❞
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VERSE
Posted Wednesday, 29 October 2014 // 5:53 pm
 In this world, we have the ying and the yang, day and night and the good and the bad. Which side are you on? There are a lot of perspectives and point of views in this world, how I see things might not be how you see it. What you think is the best for you might not be the best for others, but no matter we agree with others' point of views or not, we must learn to accept it. We all see the world in a different pair of eyes, in a different light. Some things might not make sense to you but it makes perfect sense to others. It's all in the mind, the percentage of certain chemicals in our brain cause us to see things uniquely and feel uniquely. You might not agree with the majority, it's okay, it's safer to flow the crowd but easier to be yourself. How I like my tea may not be how you like it. I like originals but prefer covers, I'm not wrong, you're not either. We are people of different personality with different taste. The weirder you are to others, the more unique you are. Don't ever pretend to be someone you are, it's tiring. To be someone you're not just so they will love you, that's not love. Love means to accept all the flaws and not trying to change it but learn to compromise. If no one loves you, just continue to be you. One day, someone will see all your flaws and love you, including every bit of your flaw. The world has two sides (or more) for every single thing and we all have a preference to which side to stand for. My preferences are slightly off the majorities' but I don't give a shit. Love me for me or don't bother at all. Verse Bitter over sweet. Tea over coffee Veg over meat. Rice over noodles. Stars over Moon. Forest over sea. Cold over hot. Shorts over skirts. Barefooted over shoes. Long hair over short. (Contradicting, I know. Growing my hair in prog.) Acoustic over pops. Covers over originals. Books over movies Draw over write. Cats over dogs. Distance over speed. Walk over vehicles. Tanned over milk white. You over me. google. REGRETS.
Posted Tuesday, 28 October 2014 // 7:33 pm
6 months ago, you asked me why am I always so cheerful and happy?6 months now, you decided to take away some of it.... I don't really know how it ended up this way, but I would really like to thank you for coming into my life. You reminded me to never get too close to someone and people won't fight for you, you taught me that not everyone is going to accept all your flaws and people are self-centered. I pushed people away for you, because of you, I do things with you I don't do with others because I thought will be different. You chose to prove me wrong. Remember how you used to say you were more afraid of me getting sick of you instead of the other way round? Remember how you were so confident we'll still be so close in the future? Do you remember? Look at what happened? 6 months of everything takes a day to become nothing, you practically just cut me off. I don't know how you do it, but you did it. I did suffered quite a big blow from my last relationship, it took me quite long to come back up again, though I got back what I was before, I was never same again. I just need you to understand that I have my issues, I need you to understand and find a solution for it. I need you to compromise and help me..... Maybe there's a misunderstanding, I'm not clingy, I just hate to be left hanging, waiting for the reply I expected. Because when I was left hanging, things ended badly and I was scared. I am scared of losing people, I am scared of people taking away a piece of me and never returning any of it. Did all of it mean nothing to you? 6 months worth of memory and friendship, just one message and it worth nothing now. I might sound ridiculous to you right now because we were nothing. But every friendship in my life is important. Losing any of it will make me very upset. I just didn't expect this from you. Maybe you were sick of it since long ago, just waiting for the time to come to make a clean break. Maybe you were really tired of me already. Maybe you met someone new, someone better than who I am and worth more than what I worth. It will take quite some time for me to accept the fact that you cut me off just like that, like I meant nothing. But it's okay, I'll find back the pieces of radiance I lost because of you. Thank you for disappointing me and hurting me like this when you already know I'm not so strong and I'm scared. It taught me to not trust people so easily. Remember, we are like this now is because you gave up on this friendship. And, I hope to never see you ever again, not in school, not in camp, not in malls, not anywhere. Since you decided to go, I hope you vanish completely from my life. Now, YOU fully understand why I hate making friends, because 7 out of the 10 friends I make, they are a waste of my time and emotions. Sad to say, you're one of them, wasted 6 months of my time and emotions. "Maybe it is just me. Like it's my problem....." "Someday, someone will find you and accept all your mistakes and teach you what no one else has ever taught you and you will never have to be alone. They will make your problems their problems and they will find your issues insecurely beautiful." MY TYPE OF MAN
Posted Saturday, 25 October 2014 // 11:09 pm
 Notice that I mentioned man and not boy. I cannot handle insensible and immature boys. Nope, just no. If your life revolves only around games, alcohol and girls then you're not my type of opposite sex. Reason why I say man and not boy is because I'm past the stage of puppy love, I want a man who is ambitious, someone who knows what he wants in future and knows how to get there. Truth to be told, I'm not very pretty or very feminine. But there are still people asking me if I have a boyfriend and when I say no, they seem surprised, like I was the kind of girl that bound to have a boy in her life. Unfortunately, I'm not the kind of girl. Why? You tell me why. My perfect dream guy would be Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl, all those ladies out there that watched Gossip Girl would know he's a guy to die for. Mysterious, handsome, smart, cunning, in trend and no doubt, rich too. But then again, he's a fiction. Where does he exist? Only in stories, of course..... So, here goes nothing. My type of man. #1 You can be mean, you can be direct but you cannot be rude. Be polite, be nice please. I am not a very typical girl, I want a guy that debates with me, argue with me and not give in to me. #2 He doesn't have to intelligent, smart enough to tell me I'm wrong and is able prove it will do. If you can answer all my "Why?"s, it'll be a bonus. (Winks) He obviously must be able to tolerate my curiosity. I think I'm easily satisfied, my man doesn't have to be charming. In fact, I want him to be just average, just so other girls will stay clear. Sorry girls, what's mine is mine. #3 He mustn't be a boring guy, because I'm a very adventurous and hyperactive girl and I love to walk, he better love to walk too. I don't care if he doesn't read, doesn't watch what I watch, doesn't drink tea or listen to the musics I love. I really don't care. #4 I don't care if we don't share the same interest because my man will be able to compromise. Let's just say he loves action, and I definitely do not, I can watch action movies with him if he wants. But when I say let's watch romance, he better not tell me no. #5 I'm know I'm weird but he has to agree to go dutch once in awhile. #6 Gentleman, I love gentlemen. Always offer to carry her shopping bags or any heavy bags for her. I repeat, ALWAYS. I might contradict a little here but I have my reasons for it. I like it when guys offer to take my stuff for me but I'll not let them take it unless I'm at the verge of collapsing. You can always take my laptop for me though, I'll gladly let you hold it for me. The reason for this contradiction is because, if you guys offer to help, it tells a lot. Firstly, you're attentive and observant, you notice that she might need some help. Secondly, it shows how gentleman you are, like how you would open the door for others. And for me to reject your help is because I believe in, if I want to buy it, I shall carry it. You are my man, not my maid. But, (again) I will willingly let you carry my laptop for me if you offer some help. #7 Listen to me when I talk because I'll listen to you when you talk. No matter what you say. #8 Dress appropriately, dress smart and smell nice. I'll do the same for you. (Hygiene is important. In case you don't already know) Most importantly, be honest. I don't care how ridiculous or how awkward it is, always tell me the truth. Don't lie. I'm a Asian girl with a western mind, a very modern mind. I totally cool with my man doing all their boys' stuff. After all, boys will always be boys. I can accept him checking other girls out, porn, video games, club and whatsoever, but please do not take that as it's okay to cheat on me. IT IS NOT OKAY. #9 Whatever you're up to, just tell me truthfully. I'm sorry to say I'm a girl that requires a lot of attention and time. #10 I need you to love me more than I love you. I need at least 10 mins of your time daily and please do let me know before you disappear to do your important stuff. Don't keep me hanging please, I hate it. Spend time with me. If you get a girl just to keep, I suggest you get a vase instead. #11 Don't ever raise your voice at me or raise your hand with the intention of hurting me. Even if you didn't hurt me physically, you already killed me mentally. I'll retreat, I'll cry. My man can not dress in colours or not like colours but he must have a bright mind that thinks positively. #12 Have some determination, have some confidence. Make me feel that I can trust you with my life. #13 Love kids please. #14 My man, you, don't have to be rich, financially stable is enough for me. Don't tell me what I cannot or should not do because I wouldn't do that to you. I can't be tied down. #15 Don't expect me to be a housewife, I won't. Have a mind of your own, don't tell me up to me. #16 I'm very indecisive, I need you to be decisive. #17 Make me smile, hug me tightly and carry me. At the end of the day, I don't really care. If I love you, I'll accept all your flaws and all your shortcoming. Even if you are all that I've mentioned, you're still not the one if there's no chemistry between us. Though I'm slightly biased towards Cancers and Scorpios, my love doesn't come easy. Once I fall, I fall hard and I don't fall easily. You think nobody like this exists, it's easier for me to die single. I think so too. It's okay, I'll grow old alone in a studio apartment with a hundred cats. SOLITARY
Posted Monday, 20 October 2014 // 9:36 pm
 I'm not sure about you guys but I'm pass the stage where all I want to do is fit in. When I was about 11, I stood out like a sore thumb, I couldn't fit into any clique. Not that I had no friends, I just didn't find a group I fitted in. I mixed around with everyone and moved from groups to groups. Back then, I think I was ridiculous, trying to find a group where I fit in and never really fitted anywhere. I guess it was because of a bad start, realising the first friend I made was someone I shouldn't befriend with....... I don't really have any close friends from primary school, because I didn't know them well and vice versa, they don't really know me either. I just know everyone on the surface only. I did pity myself for not fitting in anywhere and I did feel lonely sometimes but they were all in the past. I DID. Everything happens for a reason, nothing is really an accident and every incident is an opportunity to learn. Because I didn't really fit in anywhere I learn to live the days alone. Just to clarify, I am not antisocial, I don't eat alone during recess, I don't go home alone and I do have friends. But they are the kind of friends I'll only see in school. I just don't hang out with them outside school. When I learn to live those days alone, I learn to love myself and appreciate myself too. We were all too young back then, we all just want to fit in, we would do anything just to fit in. Pushing who we really are to the bottom and cover it with whatever it takes for us to fit in. I did want to fit in too, but I was never the kind of person that could be tied down. I be myself and that's why I didn't really fit into any clique. They are not the kind of friends I want in my life, they are the friends I only need in school. Why do we want to fit in? Simple. Because we were too afraid of being alone. It was like being alone is a crime, a sin and we never want to go anywhere or do anything alone. One day you'll grow up mentally and realise being alone is better. REASONS WHY BEING ALONE IS BETTER Not having to please others Having to please everyone is a pain in the arse. (Have I already said this somewhere?) We all know we can't please everyone and it's easier to piss everyone than to please everyone. And pleasing others doesn't always mean you'll be pleased too. When you're alone, there's only one person you need to please and that is yourself. Who cares about others' expectations or feelings? When you're alone, only you matter, only your opinion matters and only your preference matters. Wear whatever you want, eat as much as you want and do whatever you want. (Legally.) Clear brain, clearer thoughts You think better without noises trying to mislead you. I know friends do give suggestions and opinions about situations but are they constructive or destructive? Even if they are constructive, is that what you really want to do? "You should......" "It's better if you......" "If I were you, I would........" These noises distract you from what you really want. When you're alone, you won't hear these noises, you'll hear one voice and that is your voice telling you what you really want. Unfortunately, sharing isn't really the best all the time Sharing is caring? Oh yes, it is! But there are times where I rather not share cause it's better to do it alone. Times like- reading in bed, jogging, eating pizza and shopping. I actually do hate eating alone but it's pizza, I can eat it alone. Shopping, I hate having the pressure to quickly leave the shop just because my companion doesn't like the shop. Alone is good when it comes to shopping, I can take as much time as I want without feeling bad. Alone, no pressure. The lesser the easier Times like having lunch in a packed restaurant or catching the latest movie, you often have to wait for a very long time due to insufficient spaces. If you're alone, you can almost don't wait at all. I haven't done any of it alone but I do know of friends that watch movie alone and she said you can get very good seats for the latest film, cause couples usually leave a space between other couples and you can get that one seat in between them! I'm pretty sure we all have come across this situation where the number of seats available for a movie is sufficient for you and group but the seats are not together and you guys decide to not watch that movie or pick a later timing. "Me time" It's my time! We all need some "me time", doing the things we love and relax. Constantly hanging out with your friends can be very exhausting and energy draining. Your body needs a break, your mind needs a break. Lie in bed and rot, watch a movie on your laptop, eat ice cream straight from the tub or read a book. Who cares what you do, as long as you're happy. But before you decide to tell people to get lost because you're having your "me time", make sure you have already done what you're suppose to do. "Me time" is important but you have to be responsible and not neglect the rest of the world. Never say you're too busy because if you really value it, you'll squeeze some time out for it no matter how packed your schedule is. "Love me!", says me. You'll come to love yourself and boost your self-esteem. Your self-esteem comes from how you portrait yourself and without all the negative comments, you'll naturally be more positive. Whether the negativity from your friends is a joke or not, you'll still be affected. Some people just want to bring us down and easiest way is to bring down our self-esteem. Remember not all friends meant well. When you're left alone, you have no one to face but yourself and no one to blame but yourself. When you're alone, you see the good in you and realise what you're capable of. However, you'll see the flaws in you too and learn to accept it. So many times, we blame others for things that went wrong when we were the ones that failed. When you're alone, you have no one to blame and you'll learn how to overcome it or accept it. Slowly, but eventually. Who I am today, is because of what had happened and how I see it. I am happy because I be myself and I do not bother pleasing others. I'm deemed to be mature thinking and that's only because I've been through enough to think more. I like meeting new people but hate making friends and that's due to a fear of bad friends. I define the people I know very clearly because I take in energy around me very easily and it's only right if I stay away from negative energy. Never be afraid for being alone. SEASONS.
Posted Monday, 13 October 2014 // 8:02 pm
 Spring is like a date with you. Flowers and colours, I will dress. Hold your hand, down the lane, Let it go, I never will. Summer is like french kissing you. Both naked, on the bed, at the moment, we connect. Hot and sticky, I'm in love. Autumn is like you are drifting. A little hot, a little cold, Are you leaving or are you not? You are here to see me but, a quick kiss and you are gone. Winter is like me without you. Cold and harsh, just like nights without lights. You left without a word, and here I am, alone in the bed, no one to hold and no one to kiss. Did you ever love me, or it's just a fling? You are like a season, come and go, but never stay. Our love, once so strong, but was it real? Warm like summer, pretty like spring. Now you are gone, it's like winter. There's no love, there's no warmth. WHEN I GROW UP,
Posted Wednesday, 8 October 2014 // 11:26 am
 I'm very sure we all wish we could grow up overnight, attend beer parties, get high and drunk, smoke weed, dress up, wear high heels and dance in a ballroom when we innocently 5. I sure did too. Watching the neighbourhood teens go on dates, wear fancy dress and pretty earrings without their parents, I wanted to be like them too! Wish granted! Here I am, 18 years old, have I grown up? Or am I still growing up? When we merely 5, what did we know? So innocent. So naive. Thinking if we grow up now, we will have choices and be able to make decisions. How pure we all once were. We all didn't know until our wishes are granted. The more we see, the less we know. The biggest bully wear suits and tie and the nicest are the ones covered with tattoos and speaks vulgar. Growing up in an very Western-like Asian family, my parents didn't give me much pressure about getting As or having to be the top in class. To them, if you tried your best it's good enough, but sometimes the best will never be enough......... Though I wasn't much pressured into anything, future careers- doctor, teacher, lawyer were planted into my head.(How typical.) How many times did I actually change my ambition? #1 When I was 4, I wanted to be a teacher. From my point of view, my kindergarten teachers had a pretty easy job. All they did was looking after us, conduct very basic lessons, watch us nap and watch us play. To be honest, if you ask the 4 years' old me what do my parents do at work? I would tell you I don't know! At 7am, they just disappear and at 5pm, they magically appear again. #2 Moving to 7, that's when I start primary school. Teachers have wrinkles and white hair, they were fierce and moody! Watching their face turn red when they yell and always carrying 2-3 bags of worksheets wherever they go, that's when I change my mind. If I wanted to see monkeys everyday I would rather be a zookeeper. As the Earth ages, the more kids are spoilt and they become impossible to control. I have so much respect for teachers that endure all the shit students give everyday for their passion in teaching. Then I wanted to be a doctor, healing the sick and bring happiness to the world. #3 At 9, I dreamt to be a model. All girls did. But I slowly realise I wasn't pretty enough, neither was I tall enough. I woke up from this dream pretty quickly. #4 Fast forward to 14, I wanted to do something big. Something like lawyer or a writer. Who was I kidding? (Myself) I start to see more, know more. Lawyers are paid to fight. Fight even if your client is wrong, fight for your cilents' freedom even if they deserve to be in jail for life. I can't bring myself to do that, protect the wrong and frame the innocent. I was never a great writer either. #5 16 was the toughest, I braved through O levels. I thought I was going to die under so much stress but I survived and I miss being 16 now. Under so much stress I kept thinking, what is all this for? Will all the sleepless nights be worth it? Am I just gonna study so much just so I get a job to stay alive? I start to realise what I really want. I don't want to just be alive, I want to be happy. I want to see the people around me smile. I don't want a million bucks job and go to bed crying daily. I don't want work all day and miss the beach and forest. I don't want beauty either. I want happiness. P.s I definitely changed my ambition more than 5 times but the rest were too minor to be deserved to be mentioned. Happiness, such a cheap word we all can afford it but so many people just don't know how to buy it. Appreciate little things and you'll have happiness. Not everything revolves around dollars and cents. I'm not saying we don't need money either. Money can give you very basic elements-food, house, medicine, friends, bed. Money will not give you a home, not health or friendships, definitely not time or sleep. When I grow up, I want to be a happy. I don't need a big house with a front porch, a house big enough is good enough. I don't need 6 zeros in my bank accounts, being able to survive and pay for my child's need, a holiday every now and then is good enough. I study so I can get a job to provide for my future. I study so I can get a job that pays extra so I help people financially and physically. I guess I have grown up. I see the real world now. All our wishes, wanting to grow up, now granted but we want to go back being 5 now. Who knows what's tax when they were 5? Who knows about politics or currency? All we know back then was eat, play and sleep.(And remember to brush our teeth before bed) So young. So innocent. Knowing nothing about growing up. Knowing nothing about heartbreaks. When we 5, we share willingly, love unconditionally and dream wildly. As we age, our hearts get smaller(not all but majority), our dreams get more realistic. The problems I once had were, colouring outside the lines, not being able to get the correct shade of human skins, unable to change the mistake I made in pen and not being able to stay up late. Now the problem I have is having to figure out who people really are under their masks. Seeing so much, knowing so much, understanding so little. I would still want to grow up. I will still want to grow up and see the world from a clearer point of view and make it a better place though I don't understand much. What do you want to be when you grow up? What's your ambition? Is that what you really wanted and will ever want? If you think hard enough, maybe not. Should go for a jog now, byez. LAZY DAYS.
Posted Monday, 6 October 2014 // 10:42 pm
 Magandang gabi, I have been ridiculously lazy to blog about anything. I guess that's what age do to you, you become impossibly lazy. But most of the time I just don't know what to write about. I love writing but the topics just doesn't come around so easily. (It's an excuse, I'm just lazy.) Holiday is ending soon, in about 2 weeks. I'm not too sure myself what I've been doing this whole time. Most of the time I spend my time at work and lazing in bed, a little adventure into the forest, cafe hopping, cruising around with my longboard and some dates here and there. How did time fly by so fast that I didn't even realise in 2 months' time, it's going to be Christmas already. On days when I have no plans and I woke up/went to bed last night feeling fat, I would go jogging and come home 10 times darker but feeling great. On days when I just don't feel like doing anything, I'll dress in shorts, oversize worn out shirts, wear geeky spectacles, laze in bed to read book/watch movies and sip tea with slow music playing in the background. Recently, I've been quite into jazz and acoustics. They are smoothing, they make you forget all your troubles and make you feel like today is a carefree day. Right now, at this minute, I should be lazing in my bed reading my book but somehow I've decided to blog. Maybe after doing a little house chore, I feel a little more motivated to do things. I don't normally do any house chores out of my room but because I'm currently living alone for a few days, I guess I'm left to feed the fishes, water the plants and do some washing. Not a very typical eighteen years' old girl favorite thing to do. Lazy days are not my excatly favourite days but they are the better days. I get sucked into the story very easily, I'm addicted to books like how smokers are addicted are nicotine, I can't stop. I do wish I have all the time in the world to just read books and read more books till I go blind. Reading is something I really love but I just don't understand why people my age don't read anymore. Maybe they are too busy with their social lives...... Lazy days are my "me" time where I do things I love alone. I love being alone, solitary is good, it's healthy. Having to please everyone all the time is really a pain in the arse! I'm not too sure what type of girl I am. Am I the "book-and-tea" type of girl? Or am I the "flannel shirt-and-converse" type of girl? Maybe I'm a mixture, a little of everything. I just hate too much of anything. Jodi Picoult's book, it's a mixture of love, crime, laywers and Christianity. Though her book always revolves around God, one way or another, I'm a very strong atheist and I respect her love for God, I would still read her books. I own quite a collection of her books, slowly collecting every one of it.... I'm currently reading The Pact by Jodi Picoult, how I wish Emily didn't die, how I wish Emily is still alive and is happily growing old with Chris, they are such a sweet couple. Though lazy days are the better days, I would still prefer trekking in the reserve and have a little picnic in the middle of nowhere, go to the beach and play frisbee, get a little tanned and feel a little healthier. Hmm, I just try a brand new tea today and I love it! In case you guys didn't know, I only drink Chamomile tea, they are caffeine free and they mainly aids in digestions and calming of nerves. They do have a little weird rust taste but I'm totally fine with it. Not many like it but I love it. Anyway, I just opened up the HAMPSTEAD TEA- Royal Camomile today and I have to say I love this brand. The tea has a little natural sweetness in it and the rust taste is rather mild. HAMPSTEAD TEA practices biodynamic agriculture and fairtrade as well. What's biodynamic agriculture? Guess we leave that to the science students. (Biodynamic farming is a means to discovering the perfect balance between soil and environment.) There's no end to lazy days. We live in lazy days, lazy days live in us. There's a least one lazy bone hidden somewhere in our skeletons. I do have to admit unwillingly that lazy days are actually unhealthy in large quantity but then again, what's good when there's too much? Lazy days= comfy days google//HAMPSTEAD TEA |
Joyce. I'm a walking sunshine and I blog about everything and anything under the Sun. And, I might have a slight obsession with Jigsaw puzzles, Snow globes and Stars. twitter // tumblr // instagram mejor que todos.  Achieve.
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